Trust is a major issue in a relationship to me. And here is why those little lies are warning signs for me.
When I was 18, I met my now ex-husband. He was sweet and honestly I loves his eyes. After talking for a while I asked him one day if he had any criminal charges. He said yes, that he had a domestic abuse charge from slapping his ex girlfriend when he found her in bed with the neighbor. Ok, well I don't believe in cheating so I probably would have slapped her too. No big deal.
Later we were hanging out at his place one day and a commercial came on about sponsoring kids. He told me, "yea I sponsor one". I thought oh that's sweet. I would love to be able to donate to good causes but haven't ever been in a situation to where I could so the fact that he was was awesome.
Well we ended up moving in together. After a few months of checking the mail, I noticed I never seen a letter from the company or anything about it. So I asked him. His response was "Oh I lied because I thought you would think it was sweet". And yes, at the time when I thought he was I did.
But I shrugged off the lie I caught him in because he was sweet in other ways. So moving forward, he had lost his job and was looking for another one. He didn't have a license so I was driving him around. We went out one day and he put in a bunch of apps and was told by a promising company in the area to come back the next morning, if he did he would get the job.
Next morning comes around. I woke up two hours later than the time he was supposed to be at this company for this job. I panicked and woke him up. He told me "I drove myself earlier, they just had me fill out an app and said they would call me". Ok well that was a small relief, granted I wish he wouldn't have driven without a license. So that was taken care of and we would wait for a call.
However, later that day I had to go to the store. I got in the car and noticed that nothing had been adjusted. The seat was right where I had left it and if my taller than me boyfriend would have driven, it would have been pushed back. I doubted he could have moved it forward to the exact right spot but thought, hey it's possible. Then I looked in my mirrors. He would have had to adjust them especially to be driving as far as he would have. They were not moved. Gas was still at a full tank...
So I asked him about the car. And again he admitted that he had lied because he didn't want to disappoint me. I thought well ok that's sweet you don't want to disappoint me but I would rather have the truth. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal considering it was so far away.
Moving on, I ignored those little tell tell signs and we ended up getting married. But mistake. During our three year marriage I caught him in lie after lie. Mostly all little lies but still lies. We finally separated and was filing for divorce due to more than just the lies and during the divorce process, I met his ex girlfriend. She was sweet. She explained how his 'slap' resulted in the dentist of her area in tears while he was reconstructing her jaw. And it had nothing to do with her cheating. She had said hi to the neighbor when she got home and he got jealous. This was very believable considering during our marriage he had me down on the floor with his hands around my neck twice from him getting jealous over nothing.
Had I listened to those warning signs in the first place, I would have ran and saved myself so much trouble. My advice when it comes to trust in your relationship is to trust your gut before anything else. If it doesn't feel right for what ever reason, run!
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