I am sure we have all had one of those relationships where you miss the person who is sitting right next to you. Of course most of those don't work out and for those of you still in one, I am sorry. My advice for that is to get out, you deserve more. And you will be so much happier.
Some people don't even realize they are in an emotionally abusive relationship. I've been there. I didn't realize it was an emotionally abusive one until I was already out.
It was one of those relationships where I worked my butt off to make sure the bills were paid. He worked his butt off on the video games. I went to bed and woke up early every day. He stayed up till all hours of the night and woke up sometime in the afternoon. I would get off work and come home to have to clean the kitchen he destroyed while I was at work, cook dinner, then clean the kitchen again. He would send me text messages while I was at work asking me what there was at home, where he was, to eat.
I would ask him if he would get a job and help out, we lost numerous apartments because I couldn't pay all the bills AND keep up with his expensive hobbies. But anytime I would ask him this he would flip out and start a fight with me. Accusing me of calling him a bum. I would feel bad because I loved him and didn't want him feeling like that. So I of course told him no I wasn't calling him a bum I was just asking for some help. It would get dropped and nothing would change. I was in this relationship for 5 years. Finally he had left me for the third time in our relationship and refused to come back. And I am so thankful he didn't. I am able to do so much more without having to take care of a grown child.
He was very manipulative and I was blinded by it. If I could go back to the first time we fought about him being lazy at him and he asking me if I was calling him a bum, I'd scream yes! Get off your ass and help me out. It took me a while to come even close to living by the motto: If you cost me money, I can't afford you.
Constantly confused. Your partner yells at you often. But when you try to argue back or prove that you’re right, they may even get down on their knees or humiliate themselves just to apologize to you and win your affection back.
You’re scared. Your partner’s behavior scares you. You’re afraid to ask for things or tell them something because you just don’t know how they would react.
Possessive jealousy. Your partner always has something negative to say about your friends, especially if they’re of the opposite sex. Your partner hates it when you get phone calls from your friends and sometimes even asks you to hang up the phone. They just don’t like it when you have an active social life.
A Two faced personality. Your partner’s behavior and attitude confuses you. At times, they may be extremely loving and caring. And at other times, they’re really mean and hurtful. You just can’t predict how they’ll react to anything you do.
The humiliation. Your partner humiliates you or makes nasty remarks, especially around your friends or people who admire you.
Your achievements don’t matter. Your partner glorifies even the smallest of their achievements and proudly brags about it. But on the other hand, no matter what you achieve or do, your partner always mocks your achievements and makes you feel silly for celebrating it.
Have big demands. They set unreasonable expectations and make big demands from you, secretly hoping you’d fail so they can say ‘I told you so!’
Sexual manipulation. Your partner emotionally manipulates you into sexual activities you don’t like. They may even emotionally twist your arm by saying things like “Other girls (or guys) do it. Why can’t you?”
Big confessions. Your partner shares their problems with everyone who listens. But if you confess any of your problems, especially about the relationship, to your friends or family, your partner would get very upset with you.
You’re not allowed to think. Emotionally abusive lovers take pleasure in taking full control of the relationship. They’d manipulate you one step at a time until you lose all confidence in your judgment. You convince yourself that you are not capable of taking any decisions yourself, without your partner’s guidance.
The silent treatment. If you stand up for something or try to take control of the situation, your partner may walk away in a huff and give you the silent treatment. An emotionally abusive partner works on guilt, and they hate giving power away in a relationship. Your partner may just ignore you until you apologize for opposing their decision.
Turning everyone against you. This is a sneaky trick that emotionally abusive partners use to gain advantage and leave you feeling helpless. Your partner may constantly crib about how difficult or dumb you are to everyone, including your friends, your family and even your kids. Your partner may even give biased examples just to convince everyone else and turn them against you so no one would take your side against theirs.
You get blamed for no fault. Your partner blames you for no fault of yours. They blame you for your friend’s behavior, for the way the kids are, your friend’s divorce, or just about anything else. Sometimes, your partner may even hear about something on the television and yell at you because they’re pissed off.
Painful comparisons. Your partner constantly compares you, either with your more prettier or successful friends, and tells you how much better than you they are. Your partner may even be subtle and point out to celebrities and tell you how they’re so much more attractive than you.
They're sadist inside. Your partner feels better about themselves when they point out your flaws or criticize you. They may be more jovial or happy on days when you’re overworking or stressed because of your own mistakes.
Incessant lectures. Your partner constantly tells you how you’re so flawed and how you still need to improve in so many ways. But instead of trying to help you, they point your flaws out and behave like you’re a lost cause who can’t be helped because you’re too weak or dumb.
Isolation and dependence. Initially, your partner may tell you they don’t like your friends or a particular family member. Soon, they may tell you to avoid that particular person. And before you realize it, your partner may carefully isolate you from everyone who was once close to you. And one fine day, you’d see that the only person you can go to for help or depend on is your partner.
Emotional memories. Your partner constantly reminds you of all the times you’ve screwed up each time there’s an argument or a discussion. They constantly bring up your failures or the mistakes you’ve made in your life to reinforce the idea that you depend on your partner and can’t survive by yourself without their help and guidance in life.
Denial. Even when you point out their emotionally abusive ways, your partner doesn’t accept their emotionally abusive ways as a flaw. Instead, they convince themselves and try to convince you that they’re doing all this only to help you become a better person and stand on your own feet.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Trust me, it is not worth it.
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